89.

It's great hearing from you again. Even though it was only 2 days, I don't understand why I was so worried. So anywho, the heat is absolutely insane. I decided I'm going to try to stay home as much as I can. I don't really care if my social life fails, but I honestly don't give a fuck, and! I need to save gas and money. School has been full of shit. I'm not enjoying it at all, honestly. My schedule is easy, and I like my classes, except Leadership. It's not the same anymore. I feel as if I have no power, at all. Whatever, I'll deal, just one more year of this bull.

Tomorrow is the first Starfire meeting, I must say I'm excited but this whole thing is just going to be, bitterweet. I love the sense of the community, and love, and not worrying how I look or act, but.. the class of 08 is gone. It's our turn to lead, and I don't think I want that responsibilty. I think its just because I miss the old seniors. Let's just hope this is going to be fun.

90.

Alphabeat-Boyfriend.

I am absolutely in love with this video, It's one of the most creative I've seen. I am in love with music videos that are eye and ear candy. For instance, Justice's- D.A.N.C.E. If you haven't seen it, I recommend that you check it out. I love it. After I saw this I was instantly hooked. Oh yeah, if you're wondering this song does not associate to my life at all, just saying, since a lot of people associate whatever they put on their MySpace, or whatever to their personal life.

91.

I just got home from school. I finally got out of Chenoweth's class. Saved me from immediate failure. I can live with my schedule now, I'd prefer me to have open 1st, and have photo sixth, but I don't wanna change anymore of my schedule. I guess I'll stick with it.. Unless someone wants to switch first and sixth period photo with me :D

So anywho, there are so many things that are just causing me simple discomfort, just a couple of words, within a comment.. It dumbstruck me. I feel as if I'm an enemy. I know my friend told me, that I shouldn't take the blame for any of it, its between them, and I shouldn't be incorporated in it at all. So hopefully that'll stick to me. For now though, I'm just currently speechless, and its tearing me apart, I must say. I have to be considerate, I know. But at the other time, I have to think of myself. I've liked him for quite some time.. and I finally had my chance, so I took it, and look at us now. I'm finally happy, it's been a while since I really have been happy. Why must happiness have such a price? Other peoples emotions, my own, and my consciousness. I want to say to that person, that I'm sorry for the pain that I have caused. But for the first time, in a while, I put myself first.

92

Okay, well.. I have about 3 minutes to do this. First day of school, it was wack.. Im ready for school to just end already, honestly. I can't tell who's a freshmen and who are the other grades. It's senior year. I feel horrible right now. blah..

talk to you later bye. I'm gonna go cut my hair.

93

Yesterday, was Ana's Birthday, and it was fun. The previous night I slept over and I didn't put up to what I told her I would do. I was scared, and it tasted nasty. Sorry Fines. So anyway, the next day, which was yesterday, I slept over woke up at around 11, went home, left again, went to the 09 car wash (thanks for washing my car!) and then went back and went to pick up Vy and went to Party City. I bought so much candy, it's great. We got back to Ana's house, and they started decorating, while I blew up a few balloons..then all of a sudden I stopped working because I felt a sudden urge of depression, its was fantastic, hah Not. Before we knew it, It was a couple minutes before 5, and people started showing up. I just have to say, that Ana's party was fun.. I love how we can have fun without doing anything bad. I got to connect and talk to Gerald about so much, he's so cool, I swear he's my next best friend. Now, I'm just sitting in front of the computer, starving.. and such.. I didn't wake up in time to go with my parents to church, So I'm just going to go later, but before that, I need to go shopping. I can't believe that school actually starts tomorrow. Woop, Senior year. Not too excited, but I some-what am.

My Dad leaves for Texas today for a week, so I'm going to try to bond with my mom as much as I can, and try to convince her to let me go visit Dylan at least for a weekend. I really want to, she doesn't even know. I get to see him in 93 or something days, and thats a long time. Let's home I convince my parents, just as I convinced them to let me go to the Tokio Hotel concert in L.A, all the way to L.A just for a concert.. why not Washington for my friend? Okay, tis all.. goodbye.

95.

I'm stupid, and I forgot my password to my old one, so I start a new one. Yes. New one. For a new year anyway, It's a must. There are so many things that are going on in my mind, I feel that I should really get back to putting my emotions somewhere. This past week has been the best and worst of my life. The beginning was pure bliss, including being with him, and seeing Tokio Hotel. What a combo, right? I tried to soak up the time that I had, but as usual, I thought that it wasn't enough. So now, I'm sitting here on a Friday, just moping around, but what more can I do? Having him constantly texting makes me miss him so much more..but I like it, so I always respond, and sometimes I spark the text conversation. Everything just happened in such horrible timing, but maybe it happened this way for a reason. Hopefully this distance just makes the relationship we have stronger. I'm counting down until the day we see each other again, November 25 if all goes right, which is today 95 days until then. I need to learn how to unattach myself. He's just so great that I don't even know if that's possible.

But anyway, school is starting up again on Monday. I'm very very uneasy about the whole situation. I feel as if I'm completely disconnected from anyway in my school, besides Ana. I don't have a solid group anymore, and I have so much more responsibility. I love the power, but who the hell will I share it with? Being a senior and all, I should be excited to do the things I've been looking forward to for the past 3 years, but surprisingly I'm not. I am just eager to graduate already. My views have changed since school ended. I would just like to start a new life already. But hopefully this year isn't what I'm expecting, and that I'm distracted throughout the year so I'm not unhappy. I hope that my friends will be there for me, because I honestly don't know what emotion I'm feeling at all. I shouldn't be stressed because my schedule is damn easy.


I'm praying and hoping for the best for the upcoming 3 months.